


Catharsis

by infynitehexes



Category: Akame - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:59:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infynitehexes/pseuds/infynitehexes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just a letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> For B Crew. You know who you are. Thanks for being my catharsis.

_Hey,_

 

_How have you been? I hope you have been great, but knowing you, at least I think you’ve been trying to find happiness. And somehow that makes me smile now._

_I’m sorry. I know I really have no business bothering you now. It’s been so long. Such a long time that we haven’t seen each other, haven’t talked, haven’t been in each other’s lives. When you left that day…that has been the last time. Of everything._

_I didn’t blame you then and I don’t now. But I can’t say the same for the time in between. Because you see, things have been painful. There were days when what you did hurt more than this physical disease that’s taken over this body. This body you once held close, warmed and loved. Honestly those days had been plenty. But I didn’t want it to hurt me any more than it should. I thought of you and in the turmoil of dying hope and lost senses I find clarity. That I was thankful after all, that you weren’t there to see me lose everything that you’ve loved in me._

_Our friends hated you, you know. They wanted to find you and kill you for deserting me like that. But I begged them, with all the remorse of a terminally diseased man, to leave you alone. It’s not that you tried very hard to get away._

_Okinawa, really?_

_I would’ve tried looking for you there myself if I didn’t find you in your old recording studio or that small Italian gelato stop first (if I ever get past the nurses). You were never good in hide and seek since we were young. And it doesn’t help your case that I could always, always fucking find you._

_But you wanted to get away. And I didn’t stop you because I was sorry for what happened. I’m sorry that my body fucked up and started growing all those stupid cancer cells. I wanted to be perfect for you, because you deserved it. And I just wasn’t anymore after everything that doctor told us._

_I told you you shouldn’t have accompanied me to that appointment. But you never listened, even to me. You just do what you want. And I could never say no._

_One year, he said. I have one year at most. And then you left, walked out that door like a man possessed. Walked out on me, walked out of the life we had together. And have you looked back since? I’d had hoped you had. But not anymore._

_Don’t want to see you see me like this. Don’t want you to pity me or blame yourself for things you’ve no control of. Don’t want you to see me die, everyday til I finally do. I_

_want you to remember me as I am, your lover and a healthy man who sings and dances and tries to control the hell out of everything. The me who did things with utmost perfection. That was who you loved and I wanted you to at least have that until the end._

_I loved your hands. It was probably my favorite part of you. Its size was perfect and has been always warm and just there. I never really realized how much I liked it until mine had started to forget the feeling of having it near. Those hands were not meant to handle pills, push wheelchairs, put on diapers and catheters, jot down forgotten things, nor hold a cold one that will never once squeeze back again._

_Your hands are a boyfriend’s, a husband’s even. Your hands are of an old father. Your hands are calloused and warm on a guitar. Your hands are for pizza and beer and sweet stuff that might give you diabetes._

_Your hands are for all the life you still have in you. And I want it to remain like that._

_Well, that’s it. I hope this gets to you somehow. I hope you read it and forgive me and for godssakes forgive yourself._

_Be happy Jin._

_P.S. I hate you for leaving. But I love you for living._


End file.
